daphne

Hey peeps. It's been a while since there is live sprinkled onto this blog, apparently daph couldn't fork out time to do that, so the 2nd user will be taking over for the time being. Here's one of the post that will be focusing more about me, rather than da. Here goes....

Many, and i stress, many problems and nasty stuff have been happening among us. Well, to be honest, everything's on me. Where should i start? Over the years spent with da, i realised that i am a serious 100% bullshit type of guy that a girl would've ever get. Now this can be distinguished by me, whom let a girl fall out of his own hands, thrice.

I recalled the times when we just got tgt, we had loads of fun and was seriously drowning in a pool filled with love. we enjoyed one another's companionship, being the 1st person to attend to each and every needs of one another. Even times where my family issues got out of hand, her family, mostly da and her mum, stood by me and even rescued me from the disastrous life i was in for the past 19 yrs of my life. Things worked out so perfectly, that i kinda took everything for granted. Everything started to change, when a 'fabulous or gorgeous' china chick came into the picture. Without in-depth description, this external cheena temptation hooked me over, brain-washed me into letting her go. For watever lame excuses i would've came out with, i realised what overpowered my human heart was not that i 'literally' fell in love with that bitch, in other words my feelings remained with daph.

Call me one of the luckiest guy on earth would ya? Such a lovely girl who was ditched by me, waiting for the day when both of us would be back tgt. Daph's love for me purified the poison that was injected into me, the venom that blinded everything, every single thing that i could see.

Eventually we got back tgt, i had swear that i vowed myself to never do such a thing ever to daph ever ever again. But no, temptations got the better side of me. Few months past, frens comes and goes. At a point of time, i realised that my social life had been depleting. (well usually tts the case in a r/s isn't it?) I can only say that daph and I had different points of views in how we live our relations with our frens. i cherish frenships a lot. Upon noticing the degrading numbers of frens contacting me, i came with a conclusion, stating the r/s i had is restricting me from the society. Hence, a 2nd break up was proposed.

Because of the reason being too tied up in a r/s resulting in a constricted social life, the 2nd wasn't as bad as compared to the first, because i did not fell for anyone else, there wasn't any third party, believe it or not ppl. And yes of course, we got back tgt once again. Ard that period of time was my first step into nurturing myself into a mature adult. A cocoon that every man has to step in before their future speaks. And of course, that cocoon will be the NS hahaha. Everything went really really smooth. We were back to our usual life, living tgt happily, flavouring every single sec we spent with each other for many many months to go. But, things started changing again. *sigh*

Recently, i was very confused about my own feelings, because this stupid fucked up heart of mine sent different frequencies to my brain. i had a crush on someone else. Go on peeps, upon reading up till here, feel free to tagged the blog and scold some sense into me or watever u all are good at. Despite the bad ass bastard that i am, pls try to look from another point of view. im not saying that having a crush on someone else when u have a gf is correct. i just wish ppl would understand my confusions. Sometimes feelings are so unpredictable, the more u wish to control it, the more it will get out of hand.

I knew in my heart tt this is seriously wrong. Very very wrong. and i told myself, that no matter wat happens, ill never leave daph. So, wat i did was i actually added that girl on friendster, got her msn and hp no. and starting chatting with her. (the following messages are for my own records. im trying to explain stuff that i could never explain verbally). shes a new found fren of mine. Despite of the crush, its natural for me to be rather more eager to contact her. reason? shes a new fren! simple as that. i know who in the world would believe me? but its really really that simple. i can't even think about words to stress on this. I, never thought of being with that girl, i just want her to be my fren. thats all!!! But, things got out of hand, because my mind was so messed up, i couldn't even think straight. the easiest way to ease my mind will be to tell daph the truth. i even told her stuff like, i dedicate my life for her because i do not wish to see her suffer, but in the actual fact, theres no love for her. can u imagine how f-up my state of mind was? even though daph broke up with me, but it's my bloody darn fault. wtf am i doing? Iginitious Goh Zhu Ming? Are u trying to end ur love life, cut off the trust all ur frens had for u? wtfs wrong with u?

Everythings went so crazy. this new fren blocked me from every means of contact. ive hurt someone whom ive sworn and made my promise to. because of my own doings, i've lost a fren, as well as a girl who played one of the major roles in my life. Sorry if my English is getting broken because of the emotions building up inside me as i typed, im not really thinking straight.

in conclusion, to the ex new fren, if by any chance that u come across this blog, sry that i've caused so much discomfort to u, that i disgusted u tt much until such drastic measures were taken. even though u've known the truth about everything, i just want u to know, that i only wanted u to be my fren from the very beginning. its not like wat u thought. i have no other intentions. believe it....... or not.......

da, things have been pretty calm for now. the high tides are over and we surfed across every obstacles there was during this recent period. like i said, it is gone. ill never be ur mr perfect tt u always wish to have, someone whos like a superman to u, with goldfish fats other than muscles. (sound weird) as a matter of fact, im the exact opposite of mr perfect, mr good-for-nothing.

sometimes i wonder, how can i caused so much probs all by myself? im actually a very low self-esteem kinda guy. no looks, no nothing.

im just a piece of shit. sry for every, every, single thing.